I’ve shared before about my sometimes crippling, uninterrupted anxiety. And I know that my brain may contain more noise than the average person’s.
But lately my brain has been more active than usual – and not in a good way. I’ve got these mini tornadoes in my head; tiny cyclones of thought/worry/obsession that just swirl and swirl. They never go anywhere. I don’t think THROUGH them. They never resolve.
There is a theme among these mind twisters – the thought either starts with “There isn’t enough…” or “I’m not doing enough <fill in the blank>.”
This kind of thinking is one of my character flaws and isn’t new. I tend to focus on scarcity instead of abundance. But my brain isn’t a happy place to be when I’m zeroed in on what’s lacking.
For example, I’ve been obsessing for
months a long time about our dog not getting enough exercise. Granted, she has a chronic leg injury that keeps her from frolicking for hours like she used to. But still, the dog needs to be walked. And this particular mind twister looks a little like this:
It’s an exhausting cycle.
But I rarely have just one of these little death spirals going at one time. If we zoom out on my brain, it looks a little more like this these days:
I think part of the problem is that I can’t define what is ENOUGH. I don’t have clearly defined expectations of what is good enough and therefore continue to worry. And that worry cycle paralyzes me into inaction. And then my inaction leads to more worry. It’s a wonder I can get anything done.
But I have observed these people we call “normal.” And for purposes of definition, let’s just call normal people “those who are able to get shit done with minimal strife.”
Yes, I have studied them as an anthropologist would an ancient civilization. For normal people are that foreign to me.
Here is how, according to my
scientific notation casual observations, “normal” people go about solving problems:
(BONUS POINTS if you can find the misspelling in the illustration above.)
I try very hard to write this blog so that it passes my “eyeroll” test. I don’t want to be one of those self-congratulatory writers who considers herself brave for sharing something she’s already figured out. (Fellow bloggers – don’t worry. I’m not talking about you. Promise.)
So here’s my mess of a brain, laid out for you courtesy of Crayola. The question that begs is: how do I move from my brain to a normal person’s brain? For this, I have no answer. Seriously. I got nuthin’.
But maybe you do. Or maybe you can relate. Either way, I hope you’ll share a thought in the comments below!